A Film on My Life

“You watch an old movie and realise it’s about you.” 

So I got this new film at a discount shop selling really old films. The films are so old that most of them are in black and white – truly beautiful!

I picked up this new film called A New Life Later which I thought sounded different.

The synopsis on the back of the case just said that it was a tale of a girl struggling with depression and with an admiration for old cameras and art which I can relate to, a lot! So I bought it.

That evening, with a bowl of popcorn on my lap and my laptop on my bed, I sat there watching the film.

It started off as a home video of a new born baby getting brought home from the hospital with rosy cheeks and small tufts of auburn hair.

The baby looked slightly like me when I was new born.

My Dad had shown me pictures of me as a baby and I looked adorable in my opinion, but so very ginger.

I continued to watch as the baby grew up to have hair so auburn and curly it made me brush through my own curly locks with my hand, a smile on my face.

Once a toddler the girl said her first word. ‘Duck’. She had a stuffed duck toy that she would never let go of.

That was when I felt slightly strange with this film.

My toy duck was sitting on my lap at that moment which I had had since I was a baby. I went everywhere with Duck; to play group; the shops; on my first day of school Duck came with me in my book bag.

The small girl in the film also took her Duck to her first day of school.

Throughout the film, watching this girl grow up, struggling with bullying throughout her years during Junior School and High School, battling through depression and attempted suicide, I realized that this film was about me.

Every little detail that was included was about my life.

The girl’s bedroom in the film looked exactly like mine with blue walls, baby pink bunting hung up everywhere, polarized photos pinned to the walls of her friends and family all of which were in the same places as mine.

This film was about me.

It was filmed in the late 1970s, yet here I am sitting in 2016, talking about my recent purchase being about my life which even then, had not happened yet.

How could this be?

I shut off the film before it got to the end.

It could have shown how the girl died, which could also show how I will die and when. I don’t think I can cope to watch that. Could you?

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