An Elf in the Kitchen

“There were pancakes everywhere.”

There was a noise downstairs; a sort of clattering of pots and pans and it made me suddenly jolt awake.

I thought that maybe I was just dreaming and lay down again, hoping to dream off into a a new world. But the noise happened again, followed by a little squeak of a voice that I couldn’t understand. Maybe it was a different language? I was not sure.

Either way, I was sure that my house had a ghost floating around down stairs… that, or someone was in my kitchen.

At that moment, I was hoping more for the ghost as that way I would not have to do any human interaction.

I was tired of talking to people. I had been doing it all week at work.

I had moved into a house by myself in order to get away from people; not have them come into my house uninvited.

Reluctantly I grabbed my dressing gown from the back of my door and headed out of my room.

There was definitely someone in my house.

The noise from the kitchen was terrific; clattering, pattering of feet, muttering that was loud and obnoxiously high pitched.

‘Hello?’ I tried calling down but I was not sure that the person had heard me. I tried calling again but again I got no reply.

So I quickened my step, skipping down the stairs double time.

That’s when I saw him.

Well I say ‘Him’; he was more of an It at the time. An It who spoke English only dogs could probably here.

‘What are you doing in my house?’ I sprang from my stairs and ran into my kitchen.

The place was covered in pancakes; crepes, american pancakes, big ones, small ones, thick ones, thin ones, ones that were made to look like different animals or television characters. It was impressive, I had to admit, but strange, very strange.

And there It was, standing on one of my chairs cooking away at the stove with what looked like the hundredth jug of pancake batter, pouring into a frying pan.

It was an elf.

An elf was in my kitchen!

An elf was in my kitchen, making pancakes!

I thought I had stepped into Harry Potter all of a second and had to shake my head to check if I was still dreaming.

I pinched my skin.

I slapped my head.

I scrunched up my eyes and then opened them.

‘Miss,’ It said, not even looking at me, ‘you do look ridiculous doing that.’

The cheek of it!

It comes into my house, goes into my kitchen and starts to make pancakes and I’m the ridiculous one? I gave a little laugh at that, stepping over the pancakes that had made it onto the floor, stacked high and proud.

‘Who are you?’ I demanded.

‘Wow, you’re not a very good host, are you?’ It said, still not looking at me.

‘Bloody hell!’ I scrunched my hair into my hands.

I had to be dreaming, I had to be. This could not be real!

‘And she swears too?’ It seemed to speak to someone else in the room although there was no one there. ‘How charming.’

‘Get out of my house!’ I shouted.

For the first time, It turned around and looked at me, his big, adorable eyes staring right at me with a look of disapproval. ‘Is that any way to treat a guest?’

‘I’m not the one one that barged into someone’s house and started making pancakes!’ I sounded stupid. I was shouting at an elf for starters! My neighbours must have thought I was going insane.

‘I made you breakfast,’ It pointed at all of the hundred pancakes he had made.

Yes, I may have been impressed but not at all happy.

‘I can bloody well see that!’

It tutted at me. ‘Again with the swearing!’ It shook his head. ‘I have a lot to teach you.’

‘You’re not teaching me anything!’ I screamed. ‘Get out of my house!’ It was an elf! I was shouting at an elf! What was today?!

‘Of course I’m teaching you something,’ It said, ‘I’m your new guardian.’

I blinked at him, clueless. ‘Guardian?’

It nodded. ‘Yes,’ he gave what looked like a smile but could have also been a grimace, ‘now take a seat and eat some pancakes.’

I was amazed, and stood there with eyes wide and questioning. ‘Unbelievable.’

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