This weekend on Sunday was Mother’s Day, so I went home for the weekend.
At first I told my parents that I couldn’t come up to see them as I’ve been ill, Ollie’s been ill and I can’t afford it, but because of a sudden turn of events that I won’t talk about that happened on Wednesday night, on Friday night, I called up my mum in tears in complete homesickness, anxiety and just plain sadness. I cried and cried telling my mum that I wanted to come home and see my family, that I missed them and my dog, and I just wanted to come home please.
So my parents told my that they’d pay for my train fair, and help with my journey on the way home on the Sunday. I obviously was very excited after that as I had thought that this weekend I was going to be sitting in my flat, alone I might add as Ollie had gone back to London, and be crying my eyes out as the rest of my family had a nice meal without me.
Saturday morning after a night with no sleep, I packed a bag and got on a train back to London as soon as I knew it was an appropriate time to travel, jumping up and down on the platform as I waited for my train.
I sat on the train with anxiety high, but my twitter and boyfriend on my phone as I bounced between the two, texting and updating my feed. I also listened to my Feel Good Playlist on my phone which I realised REALLY needed updating as it has songs on there that I’m not all that keen on anymore, or just don’t really listen to.
When I got to my Home Station, my parents picked me up and we whizzed home, where I was introduced back by the dog.
Lucy, my cocker spaniel, would NOT leave me alone. She kept jumping up at me, barking at me, wagging her tail at my feet, clearly happy that I was around. We had a play in the garden, playing with the football but then I had lunch with my family so the playing had to stop.
The rest of the day was lovely relaxing with my mum and dad, and for a long time in a while (Which I will talk about in another post), I slept a solid sleep from 10pm-4am.
4am I was awake, groggy and grouchy that I wasn’t still asleep, but awake nonetheless. I waited in my bed watching YouTube until it was 7:30 to go down to the kitchen to find my mum with a cup of tea and breakfast. I used to LOVE coming downstairs to make my cup of tea in the morning and just find my mum and Lucy in the kitchen already, and then proceed to talk her ear off about how I didn’t sleep or how bad my dream was. I took it all for granted, as coming downstairs this morning it was such a nice feeling seeing mum there, and I talked and talked about how I slept only until 4am. Admittedly I did up my sleeping meds, and I would NOT recommend doing that as it can be dangerous, but I was dangerously close to going insane and was already not functioning having missed 3, nearly four weeks of sleep. I was ready to do anything in order to sleep!
I was so ready for the day with that cup of tea in my hand, and planned to go into town as my parents went to church, and even buy a nice little something for mother’s day, and something for my sister’s birthday that is tomorrow!
But that cup of tea whacked me in the face.
At 8am, I was back up to bed, tucked under, vowing to only have a half an hour nap before showering and getting ready to go shopping, but then sleeping through my alarm and waking up half asleep to my mum asking if I was still going to town.
I wish I had jumped out of bed and said “Yes, I’ll just shower, get changed and be ready to go. So sorry I fell asleep again for so long!”
But instead I said something along the line of, “No. Sleep.” and then fell back to sleep again.
I woke up shortly after feeling stupid, and jumped out of bed searching high and low but my parents had already left, leaving me alone.
So I went about my morning, showering, doing my makeup, getting dressed before going down to the front room to text Ollie, light a candle and then read. It felt so nice to just sit in the front room again and read. I missed it.
Lunch came, and so did the family.
My Granddad was picked up by my mum which was amazing as I wasn’t expecting to see him at all! My sister Suzy arrived first, and we were about to watch Masterchef together when the parents arrived back with our Granddad. Then my sister, Lizzy and her husband, Josh – my brother-in-law – turned up, and soon the clan was back together, minus the boyfriends from Suzy and me, but we were mainly all together.
I think this day was the happiest I had felt in a long time, seeing all my family in one place and able to chat to them, catch up with them, and have us all eat a meal together and just share love. It all felt so warm, real and lovely. I loved today so much!
But of course a great day always has to end, and after dinner and a sit down with a cup of tea, it was time for me to be driven to a station and for me to get on the train back to Southampton.
Sitting here now in my room in halls, I realise how much I miss home even more and I want nothing more to go back and be with my family again. I want to be able to stay the week, or the month or longer back at home. I miss waking up and finding mum in the kitchen, chatting to her as I drink my tea. I miss my Dad’s corny jokes and useful wisdom. I miss my sisters and brother-in-law and just chatting with them, and sitting around watching films or TV. I miss my Granddad and how he makes sure I never go without an animal picture in my life whenever he comes to see me.
I want to go back home, and part of me wishes I had picked a university that meant I could stay at home and learn that way, but part of me is also thankful for the individuality that I have now and the independence I have. I wouldn’t have gotten the full university experience if I had stayed at home and studied, but a lot of me wishes I had gone for better accommodation, but is also thankful I’m here because now I live with Ollie and even if I did have accommodation elsewhere I would probably be here anyway, living with him in his room most of the time.
I miss home, and I wish I had longer with them this weekend.
But now I’m back, and have university tomorrow, and have deadlines only a month away that I am SO not ready for.
I hope you are all doing well and had a lovely Mothers’ Day.